Today, I want to write a very sincere post…

May 8, 2019

I want to write a very sincere post…

Social media often deceives us. It shows people and their lives only from one side — the positive, successful, beautiful, and simply ideal side.

I thought about this even more deeply when I was meeting people — we’d greet each other, ask how we’re doing — and often they would tell me, “Tini, I won’t even ask how you are, I know you’re great.”
Of course, it’s pleasant to hear that. Of course, it’s nice when people around you see a successful, happy, fulfilled person who feels good. In general, I can say that overall, yes, that’s how it is — and for that, of course, I am grateful.
But… is that the only reality?

I noticed that a certain image was created — that in my life everything is always good, and that I am successful.
And you know what? I started feeding that perception. I started expressing myself mainly from that side — even with myself!

And do you know what I noticed?
I had forbidden myself to be sad and to be in a bad mood.
As if I was ashamed of it — if I was in a bad mood, I would hide it.

“Tini, you are a positive, cheerful person — how could you possibly be sad? What would people think of you? That means Tini is not as positive as she seems, that even she gets sad sometimes.”
Can you imagine what kind of frame I had placed myself in?

Here’s another one — “Tini, you’re a psychologist, you help other people — how can you have problems or weaknesses? You have to be strong, exemplary, ideal!”

Oh, come on, Tini! Come on, really!

Once, during a group meeting in my Gestalt therapy training program, I shared something personal about my own challenges. One of the participants turned to me, surprised, and said,
“Tini, I didn’t know that even you had problems…”

Does my life really look that perfect from the outside?
If it does, I’m sorry.

That was about three months ago, but I still remember those words today. They touched me, because I realized that maybe social media creates the illusion that our lives are perfect, that we have everything together.

And honestly, maybe we contribute to that too, don’t we?
We try to share only success, to write only about good things — we try to appear more admirable, better, more likable.

But life isn’t made up of only that, is it?

My life, just like everyone else’s, is full of challenges, and it’s not simple at all. It might look more colorful and beautiful from the outside — but the hidden, invisible part of the iceberg is that I work a lot on myself. I put in a lot of effort. Every day I face and resolve new issues and challenges within myself and in my life — and when I can’t solve them, I look for ways, I learn how to do it. And this process is quite long and not easy at all. It’s full of every possible emotional spectrum.

We all try to appear happy, successful, free-spirited, beautiful — to leave the impression of an ideal person.
And you know what? I think that’s what eventually distances people from one another.
It creates an illusion that someone else’s life is perfect, and when mine isn’t, it must mean I’m not good enough.
And to make sure no one notices that, I must now try to appear better, more ideal, more desirable — make my life look more interesting and vibrant.

Maybe even the person whose life seems perfect to us is thinking and feeling the same way — and that’s why they try to present themselves that way.
And maybe two façades communicate with each other this way — neither admitting to the other that their life isn’t always as it seems.

For example, yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed at all.
My curtains were closed, and I didn’t want to do anything. At all.
My motivation: 0. My enthusiasm: 0. My drive: 0.
And do you know why?

I had recorded a video — one that I didn’t want to post because I was too embarrassed. I was too sincere and authentic in it, and I was afraid it might look silly.
And because of that, I got very angry with myself and didn’t want to do anything.
Yes, I have those days too.

Yesterday I bought Natia Fanjikidze’s new book, which begins with such beautiful words. These words spoke deeply to me:

“Life is not a riddle to be solved; it’s a reality to be experienced.” — Kierkegaard

And I thought to myself —

Do we experience it?
Do we live it?
Do we feel it?
Do we allow every emotion and feeling to flow through us?

Do we love what is?

And if we don’t — why not?

Is it because it’s not perfect?

Maybe that’s where its beauty lies — its magic, its treasure.

I think that by accepting, loving, and befriending every so-called “negative” emotion or feeling, true joy, genuine happiness, and freedom begin to unfold…

And why do we keep hiding that side of ourselves?
Isn’t it because we’re afraid of being rejected, afraid we won’t be liked that way?
We think that in those moments we’re not lovable — but we will be loved if we’re happy, successful, fulfilled.
And for that image, we’ll do anything — to maintain it, to protect it, even to the point where we deny ourselves the right to live a real life — with all its human emotions and struggles.

There was one incredible, life-changing moment in my life.
It happened in Germany, at The school For The Work of Byron Katie..
We were given an assignment — to write down what we were ashamed of, what we were afraid others might find out about us. Then, the bravest participants were invited to go on stage and read what they had written — in front of an audience of 300 people.

I watched people walk on stage, reading their words while trembling, shaking, crying, hiding…
And do you know what happened?

Instead of rejection or judgment — they received only love. Pure, sincere, authentic love.

Katie turned to the audience and said, “Raise your hand if you felt touched by this person’s story, if you would want to hug them.”
And I saw — every single one of the 300 people raised their hand!

That was love — the kind of love that heals.

I raised my hand too, and I could feel with my whole being how much I loved that person — precisely because of their “imperfection.” Because they weren’t ideal. Because that was the most beautiful, most sincere, most authentic thing. I wanted to hug them, to hold them close, to do anything for them.

I was listening to their stories, and in them, I was finding myself.
And I loved them — their authenticity — and that was the most genuine, true love I’ve ever felt.

Those people received love and hugs exactly where they were most afraid of rejection.

That was one of the most powerful insights, the most profound turning points in my life. I’m still deeply moved by it to this day.

I want my life to be even more honest, even more authentic.
I want to love myself including for my weaknesses — and to give myself permission to experience and love life, to love reality, with all of it, just as it is…

I am Tinatin Basilaia, and I am not perfect.
And neither is my life.
🙏☀️✨